Dumbass reviewers suck

Ok, rant time. Sorry, gotta do this.

Been watching a lot of movies on Netflix lately, trying to find some worth writing about. I know, I know, still haven’t written that post I’ve been promising, but it’s coming. I want to do a bit more research first. In the meantime…

I used to enjoy reading through the reviews on Netflix after viewing a film there. Gave me a chance to share the film with complete strangers and hear their thoughts… WTF was I thinking!?!?!? I apologize in advance if I offend anybody, but some of you are real DUMB-ASSES! And the problem seems, to me, to be that you don’t know it. I really wish there was a way for Netflix to create some kind of auto-filter to weed out these idiotic “reviews” (I use the term loosely…) and keep the review section at least somewhat useful.

Here, for anyone interested, is a list of things which really piss me off:

  • Reviews written by persons who admit they didn’t watch the entire movie… WTF are you reviewing if you didn’t watch the whole thing? Do I really need to elaborate on this one? Just shut the fluck up and keep your ignorant, ADHD/ritalin-infused ramblings to yourself. Please!
  • Persons who declare a movie “stupid” because they (very often admittedly) did not understand it. Let’s compare, shall we? Someone had enough vision, talent and backers who believed in their vision to get the film made. You, an ignorant reviewer of films on Netflix (with deepest assumed implications that truly talented persons are actually out making movies [or music or art or buildings or anything at all!] and not sitting around leaving [what ought to be] embarrassing quasi-reviews/quasi-confessions-of-idiocy on Netflix), probably never created anything in your life and probably still live at home with mommy. Is it more likely that the film is stupid…? Or that YOU are stupid? Granted, I’m making a lot of assumptions here, but I don’t think they’re baseless or illogical. Do you?
  • Persons who have very limited taste, and don’t seem to realize it. Any movie which does not fit into their small world view of what good movies should be is garbage. (Yeah, as you expand this concept, it encompasses pretty much everybody sooner or later, but some cash in much sooner than others.) In practice these are usually the “this movie was slow=boring/there weren’t enough explosions/I had to think to appreciate this movie=PASS” type of folks. They really piss me off. They suck.

For anyone interested, the straw that broke the camel’s back was Melancholia. A movie like this really separates the cream from the whey, or, less poetically, the smart, sensitive viewers from the assholes.  Again, it’s a strange, somewhat depressing movie. No points off if you didn’t like it. But have some intelligent reasons.

“It was slow.”

“They played Wagner over and over again.”

Really? That’s all it takes to knock you down?

“They didn’t explain what was going on.”

Welcome to real life, sweetheart. Try thinking for a change. Try putting the pieces together yourself this time, if it doesn’t cost you too much of your precious self esteem when you fail to comprehend everything right away.

Okay, rant over. The bile is starting to come up on me. Going to take a rest and pray for the discovery of inhabited planets elsewhere in the universe. Or even just one uninhabited one heading this way…

Just kidding Earth – You know I love you!

Happy Earth Day!

4 comments

  1. P.S. In case I didn’t make it clear – I loved Melancholia. What a film!

  2. This is the same exact problem with the boards in IMDB. I used to browse it all the time until I kept seeing the same asinine rubbish from the same idiots. But at least IMDB has the “ignore” button.

    They also have a weighted review system, so reviews that are wildly negative or positive get weeded out while those with more balanced views stay. Not sure if Netflix has a similar system.

    I remember reading a review on a Forest Whitaker movie that said she couldn’t enjoy it at all because his left eye was distracting. Oh, like the outsanding acting wasn’t good enough to hold your attention?! Terrible!

    It’s pretty sad actually.

    Well, on a happier note… Happy Earth Day to you too!

    1. There must be a solution… But I’m afraid of what it might be!

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