Showdown somewhere in Missouri

This post will contain what would traditionally be called spoilers, but to imply anything could spoil Showdown at Area 51 is like saying anything can spoil curdled milk. Hopefully none of you have seen Showdown at Area 51 yet and hopefully none of you ever will. It’s seven years old at this point, so hopefully it is already resting in peace and pardon my even mentioning this unholy pile of stinking dogshit. I present the following observations as a warning to any who might be tempted to view this abomination. (And I like B movies!)

Offense #1: Area 51 is in Missouri. All that “New Mexico” [sic] jazz is just government disinformation. Yeah, because the film makers were too cheap to even drive to the desert, maybe? Or possibly they blew the entire budget on the shiny space scenes that open the movie [yet look so plastic (ceramic maybe would be a better descriptor) whatever money was spent on them was still wasted].

Offense #2: Acting sucks. Plot sucks. Storyline sucks. Direction sucks. Editing blows chunks. Maybe the plot itself in the most general sense could have potential in a completely different production… But we’re talking about the stinks-as-bad-as-fish-in-the-sun Showdown at Area 51, not some potential film that doesn’t exist (but undoubtedly should since if this piece of shit can be produced anything deserves a fair shake).

Offense #3: The (sparse) comedic relief was not as funny as the unintentional stupidity. One of many examples: He rushes her on to escape before the bomb blows, then nearly shoves her out of the way to squeeze his selfish ass through a hole in the fence ahead of her. “Hurry up hurry up” – but me first, I guess… Asshole.

I could go on, but what’s the point? If you ever get in an alien conspiracy mood and fill your Netflix queue with everything Area 51, please be careful to make sure this fucking disaster gets cut from the list, or you’ll suffer as I suffered. And that would be a shame!


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