Star Wars: Revenge of the Remake

Normally, I am not a fan of remakes. One of my main beefs with remakes is that it always seems like the wrong films are remade. I can sort of see why this happens: good films end up being remade because they were good, and film makers count on the curiousity factor – people have to see the new incarnation of their favorite films. Who can pass up a remade classic? If only to compare it with the original. If only to piss on it compared to their favorite version. Bad films don’t get remade because why throw good money after bad? It stands to reason that if a film didn’t make any money the first go round, it would be foolish to gamble on a second shot (or so goes the wisdom apparently).

This is where I get frustrated though. Good films don’t need to be remade. Leave the classics alone already! But there are many films which sucked, which didn’t have to suck. They had good elements – an intriguing plot, or fascinating characters with unique interactions, or some other unique and potential-laden features – but failed on the execution. They sucked, but not because their premise was bad. I have mentioned previously The Grapes of Wrath as an example of a film which was lousy but which ought to have been great. A film which ought to be remade. I have come to the conclusion there would be a fortune to be made remaking, either as a trilogy, or possibly in some other more suitable format, the Star Wars Episodes I-III movies in a Christopher Nolan Batman Begins style. Dark, brooding, serious, slow, pondering and did I mention dark? Anakin’s story is crying out loud begging to be told appropriately, and that jackass version we have now just doesn’t cut it.

The soundtrack to Revenge of the Sith actually works. John Williams finally found the balance between heroic fanfare music and the subtle, gently aching music necessary to convey some of the finer points of Anakin’s heartache and confusion. Which only makes the failure of the other aspects of the film that much more obvious and cringeworthy.

So, bring in serious actors, Christopher Nolan or someone who can execute the vision of Anakin a la Batman Begins as director, cut the SJW crap, and voila. The greatest story ever told on the big screen finally executed properly.

You can keep my reward money, thank you. Just get it done!

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